STEVE, an jock in his mid-twenties, passes the ball
to KELSEY, a nerd about the same age as Steve. Kelsey
goes to the basket, but Steve steals the ball and
I don't know why I meet you here
Easy. It's part of your program-
Kelsey steals the ball back, goes outside the key,
spins back, and bounces it off the backboard for two
Yeah, just like it's in yours
Steve picks up the ball.
That program is incompatible
with this hardware.
Kelsey charges him.
CLARICE, an average-looking woman in semi-casual wear,
is shopping with MARGRETTE, a sharp woman in slightly
more professional dress carrying a clipboard.
The release is scheduled for
tomorrow. Publicity is ready.
Just wish marketing was. They've
had three months. Did you get
On your desk. They're having
a glitch of some sort.
Margrette makes a note on her clipboard; Clarice picks
up two dresses.
We'll just have to find a way
around it. The lace or the silk?
The silk. And the company is
worried about the band's rep.
She puts the lace dress down. She heads for the hats.
I wouldn't. Bad boys and worse
girls always sell well; for a
one-hit wonder, they'll do well.
Steve dodges a steal by Kelsey.
Not even. The girls think I'm
sexually harassing them, and the
guys aren't really sure what to
think. Clarice coming?
No. I sold her to some
sheik last night.
Hope you got a good price.
Steve tries to smack him as Kelsey steals the ball
and lays up.
Clarice is trying on different hats. Margrette is
taking a call on her cell phone.
Marketing is calling about their
(she grabs the phone)
Let me. Hello, Bob. (beat)
Tomorrow. (beat) I know, so
talk to the guys in technical.
(beat) I care, but this should
have been dealt with weeks ago.
Static comes from the phone. Clarice hands the phone
back, and picks up two hats.
He never does his job. Think
he'll last much longer?
No. In fact, he's on Steve's
short list. I give him about
two weeks. (beat) The straw
or the leather?
The leather. Gives the silk an
edge. Set a date yet?
They move to a cash register.
No, neither of us is sure about
taking that next step.
Steve shoots, misses. Kelsey rebounds, sinking it.
How much longer are you going
to dance around it? People are
They always do.
Do they ever say anything nice?
And quickly moves to a fox-trot.
Does it matter?
Swiftly, he grabs his knees for
Okay, no we haven't. We're not
sure of the ramifications, yet.
And he dips. (beat) Either go for it,
or forget it. The two of you
make a good couple.
We'll need to talk about it.
Kelsey grabs the ball as Steve talks and makes a
Talk as long as you want.
Thanks for listening!
Steve charges Kelsey.
Steve walks in, throws a fast-food bag into the
garbage, and walks to his desk. He picks up the phone
and punches in a number.
(NOTE: All the following people are at their own
desks, in different locations, and are on
Yes, she's in. Just a moment.
Ready for tonight?
Yeah, what time does the food
need to be ready?
Everyone will be casual, right?
Right. Oh, and bring someone
from the office.
Kelsey going stag?
Does he ever come any other way?
I know someone who needs a little
excitement. I'll try to bring
Did you make plans for tonight?
Are you busy tonight?
Seeking out new people and new
fetishes, to boldly screw where
no one has screwed before.
Could you come over tonight?
I donít know.
What are you wearing?
You could forego washing your
hair one night.
But what about watering the
Shouldn't you dress appropriately?
I take it that means no neon?
They're pretty sturdy. You'll
love the entree.
Just remember that I'm allergic
to quite a few things.
And nothing that blinks. That
shirt you wore to the Christmas
party sent most of accounting
I said I was sorry. The volume
control knob fell off.
Can you come over at about 7:30?
Remember that photostatic bulb
when you dress. The louder your
clothing, the more it spins.
Do you know where I can get a
new one? My fall wardrobe
Don't try, Margrette. Do.
I'm not into that Zen-stuff.
And remember that color wheel I
Hey! Muave and fuschia go
I need you there, Margrette. I
need your support.
I'll be there. I hope.
You'll have fun, trust me!
I do trust you. Usually regret-
Margrette returns to her typing.
INT. APARTMENTS-VARIOUS-EARLY EVENING
(NOTE: The apartments used are Kelsey's, Margrette's,
and Steve and Clarice's.)
Kelsey is in the shower, shampooing.
Margrette is in the bathroom, putting on make-up.
Clarice splashes some cologne on Steve. When she
leaves, he dabs some off.
Kelsey is looks in his closet for something
normal. His closet is filled with neons.
Margrette tries on a few things, then settles on a
tasteful peasant's dress.
Steve looks in the mirror. He is a fashion disaster.
Kelsey looks in the mirror.
Hide your women, Earthling!
Margrette sprinkles some water on her plants.
See my babies later! I won't
be gone long.
Clarice puts out a tray of food as Steve finishes
spiking the punch.
EXT. COUPLE'S APARTMENT-KELSEY/MARGRETTE-NIGHT
Kelsey and Margrette drive up in their cars. Each
cuts the other off before they park. When they get
out, they collide into each other at the door. Kelsey
opens the door for her; she enters. Kelsey closes
the door as he enters.
INT. COUPLE'S APARTMENT-THE FOOD
Kelsey grabs some chips as he passes the tray. Clarice
and Margrette hug lightly. Steve shakes her hand.
Steve pours two glasses of punch.
Margrette, this is Kelsey.
He shakes her hand vigorously.
Mommy dress you?
No; my girlfriend did.
Conclusive proof that only males
suffer from color blindness.
Steve punches Kelsey, who cringes. Margrette takes
a glass of punch as she and Clarice head to the
Of course. For-us, anyway.
Steve put barbecue sauce on his
and Kelsey's; guys need to cover
everything with something.
They smile. Margrette takes a sip of her punch.
SAME SCENE, LATER
The guys are cleaning the table. The girls are making
sure the place is clean.
What time did you tell the rest
of the guests to show up?
They should have arrived already.
SAME SCENE, LATER
Clarice and Margrette are playing cards and sipping
punch. Steve is on the computer. Kelsey is looking
at an invitation.
Today's the 21st, right?
No, it's the 14th.
What does it say on the cards?
The 14th, silly.
Margrette looks over Kelsey's shoulder.
Does that mean I'm not the
But what about all this food?
You could store it until next
No; it wouldn't survive.
I'm going to have to call the
party off, you know.
I should hope not.
How many people were supposed
to show up?
Only twenty or so. We wanted
to celebrate the release tomorrow.
Mostly managers and select staff.
I've got so many calls to make.
Why not just do a mass e-mail-
Given that all of our people
do have an address, that would
be a very efficient way to take
care of this mess.
And anyone who ignored the mail
probably ignored the invitation
Okay, well, now what?
Seeya at the courts in the
And I have my plants to worry
Could you stay for just a bit?
Clarice feels the cards in her hand.
A quick game of poker? I'll
start you both with a $50.
Steve glares at Clarice; she responds with a shrug
and a half-grin. Kelsey and Margrette look at each
Sounds like it could be fun.
You did say that my plants were
But you have to eat and drink;
it would be a shame to let all
of this go to waste.
Shall we go to the dining table?
Kelsey and Margrette sip their punch as they adjourn
to the dining table.
SAME SCENE, LATER
Kelsey has a few white chips and a full cup in front
of him. Steve and Clarice are running out of chips,
but they at least have several different colors and
some punch left. Margrette has a large collection
going on, and is refilling her cup.
And just what did you plan to
do with your winnings?
A vacation. I have the time
To Vegas, I'll bet.
Hopefully better than you are
I hope you have fun, Margrette.
Have you thought about investing?
I have this program you could
Margrette shuffles. Steve cuts. Margrette deals.
Everyone looks at their cards and puts something in
the pot. Cards are returned and dealt. As the betting
goes around the table, Kelsey uses his last chip and
folds. Eventually, Steve and Clarice send in their
All hands are revealed. Kelsey has nothing; Steve
has a pair of eights; Clarice has a pair of nines;
Margrette has three deuces.
Time to go home, before I really
And before I stop winning.
Just a moment. Don't you owe
us at least a chance to get our
Besides, we still have all this
food and drink.
Kelsey puts on his jacket and heads for the door.
I've been working on the food,
and Margrette's been working
on the drink.
Good punch, by the way.
It's an old family recipe.
With an added kick.
Well, I've got to go.
Margrette looks at the deck, and rifles through it.
We could play for clothes.
Kelsey and Steve look at her strangely; Clarice gets
a bag for Kelsey.
If you must, Kelsey. You'll
bring a check tomorrow morning?
Margrette, are you drunk?
I hope so.
I've been wanting to play that
variant since Catholic school.
I mean, I've played Truth or
I have sisters. No problem
No way I can lose here. Even
if I lose my shirt, I know at
the girls'll lose theirs.
Kelsey starts to take off his jacket, then quickly
puts it back on.
So can we do it?
With one condition.
Clarice pulls out twelve red chips and gives everyone
I'm going to add a twist for
my own modesty's sake, okay?
What's with the red chips?
Sort of. Any time you need an
extra piece of clothing, hand
one of the red chips to someone
of the opposite sex and say
"Truth" or "Dare." Okay?
What does everyone say about
taking a quick break, say, five
Back in a sec.
Kelsey races to his car with the doggy bag. Margrette
goes to the bathroom. Steve pulls Clarice to him.
You've been trying to find a
way to pull her out of her shell.
Clarice looks up at Steve, smiling faintly.
Can we put her back in?
SAME SCENE, LATER
Everyone takes a sip from their cups.
Almost religiously, Kelsey takes the cards, shuffles them,
and hands them to Margrette, who cuts them and passes
them back to Kelsey, who deals them.
After everyone has their seven cards, they begin to
turn over their cards. Kelsey is never even in the
running, and Clarice doesn't do better than a pair
of sevens. Margrette is working on a soon-busted
flush, and Steve gets a straight. Kelsey takes off
his jacket, Clarice reaches into her dress and pulls
out her bra, and Margrette gives Kelsey a chip.
It's too early to take anything
Okay. (beat) Where and when
were you deflowered?
I hope the questions get more
interesting. At a hotel, with my
then-boyfriend, when I was seven-
Kelsey just looks skyward.
Clarice takes the deck, shuffles, deals.
Stud poker, guys.
Everyone looks at their cards. Steve puts down a
pair, Kelsey a pair, Clarice a pair. Margrette puts
down three fours. Kelsey takes off his shirt; Clarice
takes off her shoes. Steve hands a chip to Clarice.
Okay, time to squirm. How many
Steve thinks a moment.
You told me two.
I forgot about a girl in Hawaii.
During the office trip?
Before I met you.
You met me that trip!
We were still fighting!
Clarice is not happy. Steve takes the deck.
One-eyed jacks are wild.
He deals. Everyone looks at their hands, puts a few
aside, gets a redraw, and re-arranges their hands.
Margrette puts down a pair, as does Steve. Clarice
puts down a three-of-a-kind, which is beat by Kelsey's
three jacks. She winks at him as she adds a pair
to it. Steve takes off his shoes, Margrette takes
hers off, and Kelsey hands Margrette a chip.
Okay. Have you ever had any
gay encounter? Besides just
showing "it" off, I mean.
Actual physical stuff.
Yeah. One. Me and a guy in
junior high. We kissed. On
the lips. I hated it; I couldn't
get rid of him until summer.
No more sleep-overs, Kelsey.
Everyone smiles, except Kelsey. Margrette grabs the
deck and deals.
Red-line express. If it's red,
Clarice puts down a hand of solid black; Steve puts
down a hand of solid red. Margrette removes her
stockings; Kelsey removes his shoes. Clarice hands
Steve a chip.
Truth. I'm not going to do a
dare if I can avoid it.
Steve slaps Kelsey, who cringes.
Alright. How many before me?
You told me three.
So that slut on the trip was
Kelsey quickly grabs the deck and deals.
Midnight express. All cards
are black that are wild.
Kelsey just puts his hand at the bottom of the deck.
Steve and Clarice have a pair of red deuces and three
black cards. Margrette has a pair of aces and three
black cards. Kelsey takes off his socks and Steve
takes off his shirt. Clarice hands Steve a chip.
Truce. I mean, truth.
Okay. Why the fourth?
Do you need a lawyer? I may
be able to arrange something.
We aren't talking the basketball
You could actually win then,
Steve glares at Kelsey. Kelsey grins back.
Why? I was mad at you. I was
hoping to find someone besides
you to fly back with, and things
got out of hand. He quit
afterwards. And the slut?
Save it for next hand; use a
Consider it a freebie: First,
keep in mind that we weren't
talking at the time, so I didn't
know about your past. Second,
well, I had been seeing her a
lot before that flight. That
was our swan song.
We need to talk.
Later? In the meantime, deal!
She blinks, then grabs the deck Kelsey hands her.
Nice and simple. Low-ball.
Good luck, Kelsey!
Steve puts down a eight-high hand. Kelsey just takes
off his pants.
Why aren't you taking anything
Come on, Clarice, a dare for
Okay. Kelsey: Dare.
They both hand him a chip. He looks at Steve. Steve
looks at Clarice. She looks back at him. He looks
back at Kelsey.
I think I can live with it.
YES! You know what I want!
You are so two-dimensional.
Kelsey looks Margrette up and down.
And you are so three-dimensional.
Clarice looks at Margrette.
Let me lead, okay?
They lean into each other. They hug. They lean
towards each other.
CLOSE ON GUYS
Kelsey is ecstatic. Steve hides his eyes. Mostly.
CLOSE ON GIRLS
They pull apart. Steve stares until Clarice throws
the deck at him. Steve barely manages to shuffle.
Baseball. Nine-card no-peek,
threes and nines wild, fours get
you another card.
He deals an extra card for the deck and Margrette
starts turning over her cards. End tally: She has
a flush, Kelsey a full house, Steve four-of-a-kind,
and Clarice a royal flush. Margrette reaches in and
pulls out her bra.
And here they come!
I don't think so.
Both of you?
Okay. Kiss. Just like we did.
At least youíve done this before.
Kelsey just shrugs.
Guess I'm leading.
They hug. They lean into each other.
CLOSE ON GIRLS
The girls are shocked, then they giggle.
CLOSE ON GUYS
They are pulling apart.
He needs Listerine.
The girls laugh. Margrette grabs the deck and deals.
Okay, studdette poker. Queens
Thatís a surprise.
Margrette folds and removes her slip. She gets up
to get some food. Steve shows his pair of deuces
and takes off his pants; he's down to just his boxers.
Clarice shows her full house to Kelsey, who hands
his last chip to Clarice.
Clarice, I'm allergic to all
Are you sure? Yeah, it all has
cheese or milk. Okay, Kelsey,
Okay, go through a drive-thru
and get six hamburgers, two with
no ketchup, mustard, or pickles,
In just my boxers?
Good point. Okay, I'll let you
have your shirt. When you come
I'll be going through the drive-
thru in my boxers?
Basically, yeah. Your chip.
Steve and Kelsey look at each other, then Kelsey runs
to his car. Margrette goes to the bathroom. Clarice
and Steve start cleaning.
You two almost out of clothes?
Yeah. I think we're both down
to just the dresses. That, and
And only Margrette and I have
chips left. I figure two more
Sounds about right. Any regrets?
No, not really. You?
EXT. McDONALD'S-NIGHT-CLOSE SHOT-KELSEY
Kelsey pulls into the drive-thru.
Welcome to McDonald's. Would
you like a value meal tonight?
No thanks. Six hamburgers, two
Okay. I have eight hamburgers,
two just meat and bread. Would
you like fries with that?
No. No fries, and six hamburgers
Sorry, sir. I'll have your
order at the window.
Kelsey begins to pull forward when he sees something
on the floor. He pulls up an old shirt and puts it
on. He pulls forward. The cashier takes his money
and gives him order and the change. As soon as he
is gone, the cashier turns red, then smiles. The
window closes as she tells another worker what
happened. They both crack up.
INT. THEIR APARTMENT-NIGIIT-MED. SHOT-MARGRETTE
Margrette is coming out of the bathroom as a car drives
up. Kelsey runs the food in. Kelsey puts his shirt
on and sits down.
I am never playing poker again
as long as I live.
Kelsey picks up the deck and starts to deal.
Okay, non-royals wild, aces are
ones, and royals count as ten.
He sees his cards and takes his shirt back off; he
fumes. The other three put their hands down at the
same time. Clarice removes her slip, and Steve gives
Margrette his last chip.
Go into the bedroom and throw
your boxers into this room.
Put on a pair of her panties and
bra. They'll only count as one
He disappears into the bedroom and the boxers land
in the middle of the group.
I'm sorta glad I don't live with
my girlfriend now.
You don't have a girlfriend!
Wanna change that?
Steve comes out, dressed in Clarice's underwear.
Clarice grabs the deck and deals.
Straights automatically lose.
They look at their hands. Margrette hands Kelsey
her chip. The other three show their hands. Clarice
has an ace; Steve has a flush, and Kelsey has a royal
flush. Clarice removes her dress, and Steve removes
his ensemble. They sit uncomfortably naked.
Put on your bra then take off the
She does so.
One more hand?
Clarice, if you would do the
She picks up the cards and deals.
Seven card no-peek.
She flips over a card. Kelsey beats it with an ace.
Margrette beats it with a pair of deuces. Kelsey
gets stuck but beats it with his pair of deuces, ace
high. Margrette beats it with a straight. He beats
it with flush. He has no more cards. She flips over
a three, a four, then another three. Kelsey starts
to pull his boxers off, but Margrette stops him.
You guys want to go get dressed?
They smile at each other.
No. But we'll leave you two
They leave, holding hands.
One final dare?
Sure, I guess.
I want you to let me remove
your boxers any way I want, then
I want you to take off my bra.
She reaches into a drawer behind her and pulls out
a pair of scissors. She starts toward Kelsey.
Just be careful with those
She snips him down to a loincloth, then removes the
back patch, then cuts throlgh the waistband. Kelsey
stands before her naked. He reaches down and unhooks
her bra. She pulls him down.
Any dares for me?
INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT-MED. SHOT-STEVE/CLARICE
Steve is holding Clarice. He rolls out of bed, landing
in a crouched position. He grabs Clarice's hand.
So, will you marry me or what?
Wouldn't one of us have to quit
Hardly. We're both managers in
different departments. There's
no conflict of interest possible.
But why now?
Because I think if we can survive tonight
we can survive anything.
But what about our family?
Our family has been begging us
to get married for so long it's
not funny. And our friends have
have a pool going.
Then I guess I could. But could
you ask me again in the morning.
But you could chlnge your mind.
Yes, but then I wouldn't have
to tell our kid that Daddy
proposed to Mommy after a night
of spiked punch, strip poker,
and wild sex
But we haven't had---
She pulls him into the the bed.
INT. LIVING ROOM-COUCH-MORNING
There are two pairs of legs coming from behind the
Margrette pops up. Sheís holding her head; she is
disoriented and in pain She looks around.
She sees that she is next to a body. A male body.
One that is still asleep.
What did I did last night?
She flips Kelsey over.
He's not wearing a condom. I
hope I don't have to marry him.
I need something to drink.
Kelsey moans. She looks down.
I've already had enough, thanks.
She takes a good swig of the first bottle she grabs.
She quickly dresses then gets out of the apartment.
Kelsey rolls over just - Clarice comes out in a robe.
Honey, Kelsey stayed over.
Should I wake him for breakfast?
Steve comes out in a robe carrying a camera.
Not just yet.
Steve starts shooting Kelsey. He then rolls him over
and gets a few more shots. He then covers him with
Kelsey wakes up.
This is worse than that frat
party, isn't it?
Yeah. At leas hen you wearing
a loincloth. And I didn't have
a camera ready
Oh, great. Iím calling basketball
off this morning.
So you admit Iím better?
Hardly. Get the ball. I'll
see you on the court in five
Kelsey gets up; the sheet comes off. He walks out
the door. A woman SCREAMS (OS). Kelsey comes back
Just as soon as I find my clothes!
Clarice smiles at Steve, who returns the smile.
No, you can't keep him.
Kelsey starts to put on his pants, and
falls over. Unconscious.
Your turn to dress the baby.
I did it last time; it's your